WWOOFin'

This is the WWOOF profile for Paul Rivers, the first WWOOF "host" I stayed with:

I am not organic yet, however I wish to be, The projects involved are, 1/ Developing a comunal [sic] organic garden from scratch. 2/ Planting up around a section of stream in N.Z. natives. 3/ Developing a horse treck and walkway. 4/ Landscaping a terrace into cave like outside rooms with fires in them. 5/ Exercising the horses. I am single and self employed. The accommodation is a private kitchen, dining, and lounge with sky TV, internet and telephone. The sleeping quarters is a good sized caravan in a sheltered spot with heating.

Paul Rivers
Old Gorge Road
Woodville
Manawatu

This was one of the ten or so WWOOF ads I responded to a month ago while I was in Melbourne. Most of the other WWOOFers wrote back and told me they already had enough help lined up for the month of February, however Paul (who turned out to be a big, fat 60 year old alcoholic) was happy to have me come and work on his farm. Or I should say "farm." I showed up on Monday evening (Paul picked me up from the train station in Palmerston North, about 25 minutes from his property in Woodville) and the property consisted of: a tiny shack, about the size of my old Avila studio, which was Paul's living quarters, including the kitchen; a separate shower/toilet/sink room which was partially open-air and housed the mama cat and her five kittens (I'm allergic; cats were never mentioned in the WWOOF profile or subsequent e-mails); a back house that was about two or three times the size of Paul's shack and FILTHY; and a large barn/garage that was filled with tools, an old car, a motorcycle, dozens of empty vodka bottles, spiders and other bugs (live and dead), and a disgusting bunk bed covered in cobwebs and dead spiders and leaves and dirt (where I had to sleep). Terrible times. Did I mention there was nothing growing there? No crops -- not even a garden. And the horses? Noticeably absent but Paul never mentioned them. I was afraid I might upset him if I asked him about the horses, but I did ask about the garden. I asked if one of my projects while I was there (I was planning to stay Monday night to Saturday morning) would be to plant the garden. He said no, he wasn't really interested in having a garden and he'd found that things didn't grow well there. Hmmm ...

So what was my job? Cleaning out the back house, then the garage, then his living quarters and the bathroom if there was time. Possibly painting the outside of the back house too. Oh and while we were discussing all this, Paul brought out an 18-pack of bourbon & cola (cans). He poured one for himself and offered me one, which I sipped on for the next couple hours just to be polite. He proceeded to drink at least ten. (The next day he told me he had stayed up and worked on a project for his drafting business for a couple hours after I went to bed  ... and drank several more bourbon & colas. He was so proud of the fact that he can do passable drafting work while he's "pissed.")

On Monday night, I froze in the barn and hardly slept. I left the light on so I could see if any spiders were getting ready to crawl on me. I saw one spider the size of a crab (I'm not joking) go scuttling across the floor, thankfully AWAY from me, but who knows where it went after I closed my eyes. I was shivering all night with my two small blankets but I was afraid to take any of the extra (cobweb-covered) blankets from the upper bunk. Did I mention there were several dead spiders hanging from the upper bunk? I poked them to make sure they were dead and then just closed my eyes and tried to forget that they were there. It was probably the creepiest night of my life. I must have fallen asleep around 3 or 4 in the morning, and I woke up at 7, cold, hungry, and ready to get to work so I could get my mind off the terrible night I'd just had. However, Paul was still in his shack, asleep (passed out) and the kitchen was in there with him. I didn't know what he wanted me to do in the back house so I thought I'd wait until he woke up so I could ask him. But there wasn't even a place for me to sit and read -- every part of the property was absolutely filthy!! So I took my camera and walked out to the road. I turned right and could only walk about 50 feet before coming to the neighbor's gate. So I turned back and walked toward the state highway where lots of cars were speeding past Old Gorge Road. I realized I could probably hitch out of there quite easily, but I -- stupidly -- thought I shouldn't leave without doing any work, because that would upset Paul and he might leave negative feedback on my WWOOF profile. Even so, I should have fled that morning. Instead, I walked for hours, down the road and back, taking pictures of the neighbors' cows and sheep, and the trees and hillsides around the property. (I also took some pictures of the barn, which I'll post asap.) On one trip back to the barn, I got out my WWOOF book and started scanning it for nearby WWOOFers so I could (hopefully) move to a new farm. I found Phillippa and John Martin, who run a farm in the town of Levin, also in Manawatu. Here is their WWOOF ad:

Organic veg garden, house orchard (with kunekunes and chooks), general gardening/firewood, help with meals, occasional farm work (dairy and sheep -- note farm is not organic). We enjoy meeting anyone interested in a healthy lifestyle and nutrient dense foods eg a la WestonPrice. Wwoofers are welcome to use the swimming pool, grass tennis court, etc ...

Kohutu
Phillippa and John Martin
48 Martins Road
RD 31 Manakau
Levin 5573
http://www.kohutu.co.nz/

Let me skip ahead to where I am right now and tell you it's even more lovely than it sounds. Apparently kunekunes are giant pigs and chooks are chickens. There are also several dogs running around, my favorite being Jack, one of the working dogs who ran up to me as soon as I got out of the car and jumped up on me and licked my face. :) Phillippa ("Pip") and John, and their son David (who picked me up from Palmerston North and brought me to the farm) are angels. Their farm is massive and beautiful, with several gardens and a big orchard where they grow apples, avocados, grapes, celery, beans, carrots, broccoli, cucumbers, and so many more vegetables and fruits I don't even know what they all are. But it's gorgeous here! There really IS a grass tennis court and a swimming pool, and there are no cats! I woke up at 8 this morning and immediately started juicing with Pip -- we fed cucumbers, celery, lemons, apples, carrots, beans, etc. into their amazing juicer and made three jugs full of vegetable juice to drink (we added vitamin C and coconut oil to make it taste better). Then I cooked some eggs (from the chooks outside) and then I started shoveling mulch into a wheelbarrow, wheeling it down into one of the many gardens, and spreading it around the plants. It's a lot harder than it sounds! After about two hours of that, I was dripping with sweat -- and shaking with fear from the GIANT bumblebees that are everywhere. :/ But I felt good. I'm going back out to finish the mulch work as soon as I finish this blog. But first ... the rest of the story.

So I was walking up and down Paul's little street in Woodville but now I was armed with the phone numbers of about ten other WWOOFers in the area. I called a couple people who turned me down (I can't blame them -- I was calling at 9 am on Tuesday morning and asking to come the following day, and only stay until Saturday morning) but then I called Phillippa who said she'd love to have me come! I asked her if it was okay if I only stayed until Saturday (sometimes they like you to stay a week or two so you can get into a routine) and she responded: "That would be brilliant!!" :) She said they would be in Wellington all day Wednesday but if I could get myself to Palmerston North, her son David could pick me up on his way back from University. Perfect. So I knew I was leaving Wednesday morning, but I didn't know how. I figured I would hitch but I thought that might be a little dramatic. I could probably just explain to Paul the next day that it was too cold and I was allergic to the cats so I had to leave, and he would drive me to Palmerston North ... but I wasn't sure. He was pretty creepy and I was afraid to make him angry, especially after he drunkenly told me that one of the things he hates the most is when people "take the control away" from him. I thought this might fall under that heading so I should be prepared to sneak out in the morning. Meanwhile, I was still walking up and down the road and starving. I should have brought some food with me but I had assumed I was heading to a farm where there would be plenty of healthy food to eat. So I was at Paul's mercy. He finally woke up at 11:45!! He made eggs, sausage and spaghettiO's for breakfast ... kind of weird and not at all healthy/organic but I was famished and I knew I was going to work hard cleaning the back house all day (so Paul would have no reason to complain to WWOOF when I split three days before the date we had agreed upon) so I ate every bit of food. He finally told me what he wanted me to do and I spent the next seven hours vacuuming up every bit of dirt, dust, dead leaves, cobwebs, dead insects, live wasps and spiders and moths, etc. from the scary back house, as well as scrubbing the counters, table, walls, stove, and every other surface with water and cleaning solution. I didn't mind the work, but it was not farm work and certainly not the reason I was taking time out of my brief holiday in New Zealand to work. While I worked, I talked to my parents and sister who called, worried, because I had e-mailed about the awful living conditions and said I would be leaving as soon as possible. I didn't want to say anything bad about Paul in case he was listening, but they could tell I was scared (my mom repeatedly offered to call Interpol but I said that wouldn't be necessary) and they knew it wasn't just the cats that had me wanting to get out of there. That night, I got everything ready (which didn't take long because I hadn't unpacked anything -- there was nowhere clean to put it) and mentally prepared myself for another terrible and scary night. I took my first and only shower in the open-air bathroom, acknowledging that it was possible Paul could see me in there but I didn't even care as long as he didn't try to come in. I would be gone first thing in the morning and it would all be like a bad dream, as long as I could get through one more night. After I got dressed (in the same jacket and leggings I'd been wearing since Monday morning), I went to Paul's shack and told him I was going to hit the hay. He wanted me to stay up and watch a movie with him, and even went as far as downloading an illegal copy of Black Swan because I had mentioned I'd enjoyed the movie and planned on seeing it again. I told him the shower had made my cat allergies go away for the moment so I was going to try to fall asleep before they kicked back in. He said okay and then told me if I got cold, I was welcome to come get in bed with him, and patted the dirty twin bed he was laying on. BARF. I felt good knowing I was making the absolute right decision in running away as soon as it was daylight. I thanked him for the offer (DOUBLE BARF) but said I was sure I'd be okay in the barn. Then I walked quickly back to the barn, locked the door, and wrote him a farewell letter. To the best of my memory, this is what I wrote:

"Paul, I'm sorry to leave without saying goodbye but last night was unbearable for me again. With the cold and the cat allergies, I hardly slept, so this morning I called some other WWOOFers and one woman said if I could get myself to Palmerston North, she would be able to pick me up. I didn't want to wake you so I am hitching into town. Thank you for your kindness and the lovely meals you prepared for me. I hope I did a good job cleaning the back house and I wish I could have stayed to do more work. I wish you the best and I am happy to have met you. Cheers, Marie"

Lies, lies, lies. "I am happy to have met you" was probably overkill but I didn't want him to have anything bad to say about me to WWOOF, even though I probably won't WWOOF again after this trip. You never know though. I got into my scary, dirty bed and tried to sleep. I had my phone in my pocket (just in case) and thankfully my friend Alisha in Christchurch started texting me so I told her about my plan to escape in the morning. I felt better knowing someone in New Zealand knew exactly where I was and what I had planned. I finally fell asleep and woke up at 7 am. I casually went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, hoping Paul was asleep but knowing I needed to play it cool in case he happened to wake up. Then I walked back to the barn, checked once again to make sure I had everything all packed up, grabbed the note and put it in front of his door with a big rock on top, then sprinted back to the barn, grabbed my backpacks and hit the road. Fortunately, the back house is in between the barn and Paul's shack, so once I had my backpacks, I was able to easily slip out to the road between the barn and the back house ... and then I was gone. :) I was so relieved! I wanted to run (or skip with joy) but my packs were heavy and I knew Paul was probably going to sleep for another 5 hours anyway so I just walked steadily down the road to State Highway 2 and put my thumb out. About 30 or 40 cars passed me without so much as slowing down and I thought I might be out there for a while, but then a car stopped and the driver was a cute 19 year old boy named Dylan. He was headed to work in Palmerston North ("Palmy") so I got in and he drove me right to the center of town and dropped me off there. I had done it!! I called Phillippa and she gave me David's number. I sent him a text and he said he'd be leaving Massey University at 4:30 so I had about 8 hours to kill in Palmy before I had to get myself over to the university. Good times. I walked down the street to the Subway and got myself a well-deserved breakfast sandwich. Then I walked another 30 minutes to a grocery store, laundromat, and Westpac bank. I washed all my clothes, got cash and some muesli bars, and I was set. I made it to Massey University with hours to spare and was able to get online and talk to my parents before David, a 24 year old PhD student who looks like an attractive Shaun White, met up with me and drove me to his parents' amazing farm where I am now. Okay, time to go finish today's farming projects and then go swim! It's been an exciting couple days but now I'm very happy. I'll write more soon. :)